You Just Got a Big Diagnosis – Now What?
Your big diagnosis might be cancer, ulcerative colitis, diabetes, celiac disease, pelvic floor dysfunction, a chronic pain condition, or any other chronic condition. You might have been in a season of testing and waiting for answers for a very long time, you might have experienced a scary, sudden onset of symptoms, or your diagnosis could even have been detected during a routine appointment. Adjusting to your new diagnosis will take time, starting with some simple steps can help you in these early days.
Drop an Anchor
The information you just received is big, most likely really big. Life can start to move pretty fast: new appointments to schedule, new medications to manage, and so much more. I’ve heard from so many clients that their big diagnosis was dropped in their lap like day-old news (sometimes even in the post-procedure recovery room!). Emotions like shock, confusion, numbness are all normal. So is any experience of anxiety, fear, and anger. Treat this moment like Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200 in Monopoly. It’s up to you to take the time to process this information. A great skill to practice is dropping anchor. Dropping anchor is the practice of noticing what you’re experiencing, pausing and acknowledging it, and breathing on purpose.
Taking a pause like this to breath intentionally and reflect is a little like a ship dropping anchor in a storm, it won’t make the storm pass any quicker but it helps keep the ship from going under. Every chance you have to breath and connect back with yourself acts as an anchor for your mind and body.
Here’s how to drop anchor:
Notice an uncomfortable or overwhelming feeling or thought.
Name what you notice.
Come back into the present moment with breath.
Engage in what you’re doing.
What it looks like in practice:
Observe what’s showing up for you right now
Name what you observe: “I notice I’m overwhelmed and irritable. I don’t know what to do next.”
Take three deep breaths in to your belly and out through your mouth or nose.
Bring your focus back to the task, conversation, or whatever it was you were up to.
Gather Support
Give yourself permission to ask for help. Think of your wellbeing like a bank account, getting a big diagnosis and managing chronic illness can be a lot of withdrawals; making deposits is an essential part of recovering and adjusting. Getting support, in whatever way you can, is just one way to make a deposit.
Look around you at your close people, what do they each do well? Do you have a friend who is an all-star funny meme finder? Can you ask her to send you her best finds? Is your mom really into cooking? How about asking her to make 1-2 things you can keep in your freezer for days where things are just too much? Do you have a sibling who’s obsessed with The Home Edit? Have them help you get organized with a medical file system on your computer (or a binder) and carve out some space in your house for your treatment supplies. Asking for support isn’t always easy, but every time you reach out you are supporting your own mental and physical health during this difficult transition.
Practice Acceptance
It can feel like all at once you’ve been asked to make room in your life for something you didn’t ask for, something you don’t even want. It’s normal to want to push away a new diagnosis, to even avoid that it’s happened at all; that can feel like taking control back of your life. But that type of control is short-lived and easy to shatter because your diagnosis isn’t going anywhere. Your new diagnosis is not an either/or dynamic: it’s not either you’re cured of your diagnosis or you’re trapped by it, it’s not either you’re sick or you’re healthy, it’s so much more complicated than that.
Chronic illness, especially in the early stages, can seem to take over your whole life. It can even feel like at times your diagnosis is becoming who you are a person. Acceptance is one tool you can use to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself and with this change. When we talk about acceptance in therapy we don’t mean approval. Acceptance means acknowledging what is happening without avoiding it or becoming critical of it.
A great way to start practicing acceptance is through the skill of both/and. Both/And thinking is the alternative to getting suck in and either/or mindset. An either/or mindset might sound something like: “Either I’m healthy or I’m sick,” “Either this pain goes away or I can travel,” “Either I enjoy my life or I focus on my symptoms.” When things become either/or there are so many less choices for moving forward with your diagnosis and living a life that still contains your values. Practicing both/and isn’t about avoiding, repressing, or rejecting what’s happening, it’s all about recognizing it and finding possibility.
You can practice both/and by identifying one thing that is painful and one thing that is possible:
“I didn’t ask for this and my body needs my help to heal.”
“I hate this pain and I have more in my life than this pain.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on with me and I can work towards better treatment.”
Remember: You are More than Your Diagnosis
These early days are hard, be present and patient with yourself as you navigate this news. Start where you are, and experiment with these three exercises, and know that support is out there.
Are you overwhelmed by a recent diagnosis? Counseling can help. Reach out today to schedule your consultation.